So it's Halloween! Yay? You're probably expecting me to have the first book review up today, right? Well, you'd be wrong if you're expecting that. Instead, I'm gonna show you this:
Oh, General Mills. When will your tyranny end?
Yessireebob, that is indeed Count Chocula cereal featuring "spooky" marshmallows from Goosebumps Series 2000. This actually existed, everybody. Here, there was even a commercial for it:
Can we talk about that supremely racist black kid character?
Now, I remember Count Chocula being pretty sub-par when it came to chocolate cereal, probably ranked 3rd, right underneath Cocoa Pebbles and Cocoa Puffs. However, I do remember buying a box of this when it came out, because around that time was when I was really starting to get into the Goosebumps books. The commercial says that the marshmallows are based off of Goosebumps Series 2000 books, but I beg to differ, since only half of those objects show up in any of those books. Maybe if they replaced the bat and coffin-shaped marshmallows with, oh I dunno, maybe one of the Body Squeezers or possibly the roadkilled carcass of the cat from Cry Of The Cat.
Anyways, still working on those book reviews for you guys. Hopefully I'll have some semi-interesting content out in the next couple of days. Until then, though, have a magnificent Halloween and may your trick-or-treat bags be filled to the brim with the best candy ever produced: Skittles. Happy Halloween, everyone!
So this first article is taking a bit longer to write than expected, probably because I'm just really lazy. Expect all of these articles to be pretty long and informative, so just wait a bit longer and I'll get some content out to you guys as soon as I can.
Okay, so who here remembers the Goosebumps books written by R.L. Stine?
Obviously, you all do, otherwise you wouldn't be reading a blog dedicated to reviewing those books, now would you? I've been contemplating starting a blog for years, but I never knew what to blog about. Then, one fateful day, I looked at my bookshelf and I had my answer: I'll blog about Harry Potter! Or maybe Goosebumps, I dunno.
I have fond memories of these books; I thought that they were the coolest books ever when I was a wee little turd. But then I grew up and read the books again. Then I saw those 62 children's books as 62 giant mounds of poop that just happened to be placed right next to the Holy Bible in my bookshelf. I was appalled. The bad writing! The plot holes! The stupidest twist endings since M. Night Shyamalan's The Village! It was at that point that I decided to take matters into my own hands. I had to tell the world about these, these, these things. And there's only one way to do that: spoil the entire plot, ending, cover, and storyline of each individual book!
Now, R.L. Stine isn't known for his creativity. The man pretty much ripped off every single horror movie ever made and packaged them as $4 books for 8-12 year old children. He loaded these books with every horror movie cliche known to man. That is, except for the hospital setting and the evil clown. I wonder why he left those out?
Did somebody say "clown"?
Anyways, the point I'm trying to get across is that for the next however long I decide to keep this blog up, I'll be providing you with reviews of each of the original 62 Goosebumps books. Whether those reviews will be comical or entirely serious is up to you. If you think some guy inserting a bunch of references that nobody is going to understand into his blog is funny, then more power to you. I might eventually do the Goosebumps 2000 series, as well as Ghosts Of Fear Street and possibly The Nightmare Room, but for now, it's all Gersberms, all the time. Many thanks to my buddy, Dr. Blood, for providing the name for this blog, by the way. He runs his own blog here: http://www.drbloodsvideovault.com/ If you were ever wanting to know the biggest difference between Calling All Creeps and Ghost Beach, then Ermahgerd Gersberms is the place for you.
In case you were wondering, (who am I kidding? nobody's wondering. this is just here so I don't have to answer this question later.) my favorite horror book is From The Corner Of His Eye by Dean Koontz, and my pick for best horror book of all time is Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. Update schedule is meh. Don't expect to see an update every single week, I do have a life outside of reading books written for 4th graders, you know. So, sit back, grab some popcorn (even though this isn't a movie, stupid), and enjoy reading about me getting pissed about how crap this book series is.
