Obviously, you all do, otherwise you wouldn't be reading a blog dedicated to reviewing those books, now would you? I've been contemplating starting a blog for years, but I never knew what to blog about. Then, one fateful day, I looked at my bookshelf and I had my answer: I'll blog about Harry Potter! Or maybe Goosebumps, I dunno.
I have fond memories of these books; I thought that they were the coolest books ever when I was a wee little turd. But then I grew up and read the books again. Then I saw those 62 children's books as 62 giant mounds of poop that just happened to be placed right next to the Holy Bible in my bookshelf. I was appalled. The bad writing! The plot holes! The stupidest twist endings since M. Night Shyamalan's The Village! It was at that point that I decided to take matters into my own hands. I had to tell the world about these, these, these things. And there's only one way to do that: spoil the entire plot, ending, cover, and storyline of each individual book!
Now, R.L. Stine isn't known for his creativity. The man pretty much ripped off every single horror movie ever made and packaged them as $4 books for 8-12 year old children. He loaded these books with every horror movie cliche known to man. That is, except for the hospital setting and the evil clown. I wonder why he left those out?
Did somebody say "clown"?
Anyways, the point I'm trying to get across is that for the next however long I decide to keep this blog up, I'll be providing you with reviews of each of the original 62 Goosebumps books. Whether those reviews will be comical or entirely serious is up to you. If you think some guy inserting a bunch of references that nobody is going to understand into his blog is funny, then more power to you. I might eventually do the Goosebumps 2000 series, as well as Ghosts Of Fear Street and possibly The Nightmare Room, but for now, it's all Gersberms, all the time. Many thanks to my buddy, Dr. Blood, for providing the name for this blog, by the way. He runs his own blog here: http://www.drbloodsvideovault.com/ If you were ever wanting to know the biggest difference between Calling All Creeps and Ghost Beach, then Ermahgerd Gersberms is the place for you.
In case you were wondering, (who am I kidding? nobody's wondering. this is just here so I don't have to answer this question later.) my favorite horror book is From The Corner Of His Eye by Dean Koontz, and my pick for best horror book of all time is Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. Update schedule is meh. Don't expect to see an update every single week, I do have a life outside of reading books written for 4th graders, you know. So, sit back, grab some popcorn (even though this isn't a movie, stupid), and enjoy reading about me getting pissed about how crap this book series is.
May God have mercy on my soul.
No comments:
Post a Comment